Real interruption came when s. maid delivered some v. old Ladies Mail from The Hard Rock Tavern, Camelot. L-Mail just spam, says some pansy page named Wart pulled out great Sword Excalibur from the Hard Rock, so now is King, to be henceforth referred to as Arthur. To commemorate said event Hard Rock Tavern now offering fifty percent off on all fine brewery products if you act fast.
As if! Arthur ruling as King for years now. Always knew L-Mail is slow but this is ridiculous. Besides, must switch slippernet provider one town over, had it with this spam. Especially the "increase the size of your knighthood" and "refinance your hut or tower" kind.
Anyway, even a halfwit can see he's been staring up at my window while traveling at the speed of slippernet packet. Aww, must stop talking about slippernet already, am becoming such nyrd. Need to get out more.
Wonder where my dreamboat Sir Lancelot is? Wonder if he'll come back? Miss him, damn. Feel strange need to cuddle with someone huge, manly, and metallic. Such large gauntlets. Such voluminous helmet. Wonder if what they say about gauntlet size and helmet size being directly proportional to knighthood size is true? Must stop, it being not proper for f. maid like me. Maybe will call s. maid to check my L-Mail.
Considering travel options by ferry, boat, barge, cart, horse, litter, caravan, camp follower wagon. Regular or express? Land or dragon-twisty-rear-end river? Decisions, decisions. Too late to make reservations via L-Net since have to do that five years in advance of event. And Air Merlin transportation out of price range.
Took a break to watch more knights riding on quests, past my window. Good thing am v. well versed in heraldic symbols, so know exactly which knights. Counting knights and other traffic now to pass time while c. maid prepares journey trunk.
One mauve knight, two blue and white and red cross knights, five blue and gold and red and silver and chartreuse knights, one Questing Beast, two yellow and black knights, one all-black evil sorceress 'ho related to King Arthur and carrying his wicked child.
Another black knight, two flying Dragons and a jumping Chimera combo or just maybe one deformed elderly Dragon, two purple and gold minor kings with troop of squires, one dark foreign pointy hat wizard from distant storm castle with feline beast familiar, and another green knight who looks awfully like Sir Gawain -- wonder if he's back to stare at me, the pervy man. My tower is on a really busy superdirtway, so good thing am moving from Shalott. Or maybe moving from Astolat – never can remember what this place is called. Anyway, none of them Sir. Lancelot. Woe is me!
Barge supposedly faerie-chartered, has automatic lily flower blossom shower control and a carved well-endowed naked damsel wooden prow. Barge obviously a male trap, but am too much in a hurry to care. Though, told c. maid to stitch a temporary decency bodice for prow while am on board. Maid can use tapestry scrap.
Now checking the last batch of L-mail before departure. What’s this, looks like L-mail from cousin Elaine from Camelot suburb. Will take with me on barge for reading material.
Cousin Elaine writes that she knows Sir Lancelot! Knows him in biblical sense, she says. As if! Actually what that means am not sure, since am pure and unsullied, while cousin Elaine is Camelot ‘ho and strumpet. Hangs out in Castle with Queen Guenevere’s Ladies, and known to go wild during Damsels Gonne Wylde Fortnight. Has huge bead collection from knights on balconies who toss said beads to shameless damsels to display naked ankles. Wait! That is v. disturbing!
Am stunned! What does my dreamy Lancelot have to do with cousin Elaine? Will kill that bitch if she tries anything! Must investigate! Go barge! Go me!