The Very Secret Diary of Lady Elaine of Astolat, a.k.a The Lady of
Shalott, Part 1
Day 1
Looked in the mirror again today, while carding wool. Wait, maybe was
embroidering tapestry -- all v. similar boring activity for fair maid.
Mirror showed fair maid engaged in said activity, with v. pale wan
expression, v. great big gorgeous sorrowful eyes. Put down mirror,
continued to produce decorative cloth for domicile. Domicile is tall
stone tower. Not sure why am in tower when could be outside in sun.
Anyway, explains why am so wan. Just in front, big window pointing to
river. V. long river, twisty like mythic dragon's rear end all in
knickers twisty. Wait, that's not it. V. bored and dreamy.
Day 2
Looked in mirror today, knitting scarf. No, was spinning flax. Mirror
showed v. sad v. bored fair maid. Then, when flippy-flopped mirror back
and forth, mirror showed flippy-flopped fair maid face. Mirror also
showed back of room with tapestries hanging, woven by said f. maid.
Flippy-flopped mirror some more, watched light from window jump around
like faerie ball. Wondered if cat was around. V. bored and dreamy and
waiting for something or other. Maybe new wool delivery person?
Day 3
Looked in mirror today but first flippy-flopped it and good thing cat was
in room. Cat very dumb. Watched cat hit wall, but first moved loom out of
the way. V. expensive yarn, the wool delivery person is due any minute.
Must ask maid -- not fair but scullery -- if we need more silk or just
wool. S. maid came in and said, "My Lady Elaine, yarn delivery not today
but tomorrow," and she wanted rest of day off to go to a cousin's wedding
in town. Can see town across the v. twisty dragon's rear end all in a
knicker river. Will let s. maid go and watch her attempt to take ferry.
Ferry always late and fun to watch maid on shore, v. annoyed and getting
her knickers all twisty, then her feet all wet. Wait, that's not it.
Flippy flopped mirror. Yawn. Cat not around. Must get back to crochet
work.
Day 4
Nearly dropped mirror today from flippy-flopping it so much, and cat no
longer interested in watching light ball nor hitting wall. Not good,
since floor stone-hard and have no replacement mirror. Maid still out,
sent her sister who is v. young and has pretty flax hair. Wonder if it
could be spun -- must ask her if for sale, would make good novelty item
for King Arthur's court.
Day 5
Did not bother with mirror today, watched instead from the window. Maid
came back with news that King Arthur's best knights will be riding by near
the dragon's rear-end-twisty river, headed to a Quest Caucus. Quest
Caucus v. important, since decisions are made about whereabouts of Grail
and Dragons and where to go and who gets to go. Also, check directions
Map Booth is there, and can get a Quest Card. Knights don't leave home
without it. Some knights said to be gorgeous hunks, that being
pre-requisite for knighthood. Knights all pumped up at 11. Must watch!
Day 6
Yesterday was big disappointment. Maid must have lied because no knights
rode by, not even squires. Not even one lame footman soldier carried by
on a stretcher. Did nothing but watch all day till head and neck hurt
from sticking out window. Got wind-burn. Have v. long blond hair, and
braid hanging down, must look like Rapunzel, except no prince to climb up
braid. Hey, that's a thought. Looked in mirror to check, but no, still
Elaine. V. sad big gorgeous eyes. V. disgusted with whole thing, so
decided to start new embroidery project. For that, must do research on
Gryffin and Manticore anatomy, to get mind off disappointment. Ladies Net
is a great place for research, will send s. maid with slippernet L-mail
message to the L-Net.
Day 7
New embroidery project not going very well. L-Net message was delivered
to first relay down the hill via slippernet, but no reply yet, since
L-Mail takes forever. As a result, forgetting the number of legs on a
Gryffin and adding extra tails. Manticore looks vicious but like bunny,
not right. Keep getting up to watch window. S. maid tells me she got the
days mixed up. King Arthur's knights due today at noon. Whole town
across dragon-twisty-rear-end river will come out to cheer knights. Good
to know that, because now am considering renting out tower room for
knight-viewing. Best view in all kingdom, and could always use a few
extra coins for more fabric. Now must get ready, put on new gown and comb
hair 100 strokes, then rebraid. Or maybe let down, since more shiny that
way. But first, must wash, using strawberry Guenevere brand shampoo
imported from Gap in Camelot. Said shampoo guaranteed to make hair
extra-shiny and manageable, without spell or conditioner. Will be better
seen from distance, and may attract knights.
Later... Oh my. They came! They rode by, all sparkly in their metal
armor and pennants all multicolored like rainbow, and all these fancy
heraldic symbols! Oh my. So much hunkitude that have no words, so all
clammed up. One or two of them even stopped to look up, and the biggest,
shiniest, most hunkiest one, the one called Sir Lancelot, waved at me as
he raised shiny visor and huge manly gauntlet. S. maid said he was waving
at bee that got inside his helmet but not going to argue with dim-witted
maid. Smiled and waved back at Sir Lancelot, though not so sure that he
saw me that time. King Lot waved back however, but not interested in
older full-figured knights, even if they are minor kings. Sir Gawain on
the other hand stared back, and wouldn't look away, so rode into Sir
Ector's big stallion and had strong words that could be heard in tower.
Not sure what happened after that, because still thinking of Sir Lancelot
who is so dreamy. Life has now gained purpose. Must get a piece of that
one before languish away, become anorexic, then die. Go me!
Lady Elaine of Astolat, Part 2
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