Wonder how good Camelot cable service is? Hoping for large thick T-1 twisted-monk-belt-pair or co-battle-axe rope spool setup. Camelot Wyreless still out of price range.
Maid says only two days left until get to Camelot. Wonder what Sir Lancelot is doing this very moment. Does he think of me, the dreamy man? Getting v. fluttery just thinking about it. Soon, v. soon! Go, barge!
Nearly ran into large barge with three queens, all rowing like ordinary strumpets and one singing and doing some kind of pervy twisty dance, probably homage to twisty river gods. Barge filled with knights. None of them my darling Sir Lancelot.
Also passed by small canoe, with squat ugly dwarf creature with big farm implement and tall hunky elfin creature, rowing like crazy. Elf used bow and quiver to pick off fly that landed on dwarf's helmet. Elf then grabbed onto barge and stopped to ask directions to something called Myddle Earthe, so must be a bit touched in head.
Looked at him with maidenly grace and told him that never heard of such horrid thing, since being a noble f. maid, don't dig in the ground. Elf v. pretty however -- prettiest thing ever saw -- and so adorable when pouting. Not to mention, smells delightfully like strawberry shampoo. Dwarf must be the one who digs in ground, which explains why one so clean and other so unwashed. Apparently am easily swayed, since took pity and suggested they keep rowing toward Camelot and surely wise Merlin might help with directions and mental adjustment.
Was not clear on what meant when elf looked v. miffed, asked please not to be called "Shirley" and muttered something about taking wrong turn at the Argonauts. Then went on about bad hair days, evil tacky gold rings and some pervy 'ho bit fancier still not being king in the land of more door where the shadows lie. All v. distressing. Would have kept going on and on too, but canoe came upon log and dwarf pulled him back in by pants.
Not sure what happened after since twisty river took another turn. Good thing too, pretty elf obviously complete stark raving lunatic, possibly dangerous. May Our Heavenly Father look out for him and the short, ugly, but surprisingly manly and strangely compelling fellow, braids and axe and all.
Wonder what meant by 'ho bit. Probably someone unseemly like cousin Elaine.
Started stitching new bodice for court dress, since will need to look spiffy for Sir Lancelot. Meanwhile watching manly knights riding by on shore, all headed for the big jousting tournament. Know this due to "Big Jousting Tournament" signs hanging everywhere with arrowheads pointing toward Camelot.
Later that day...
Yes! Am now installed in new domicile just minutes away from King Arthur's palace and even signed up for Camelot Cable! Only had to wait till noon repast for two cable knaves who finally showed up and started putting the lines in from window. Warned me sternly not to confuse cable line with clothesline, or else they will have to re-rope the place and that would involve additional charges. Am so amused by cable knaves’ assumption of me being unaware of such slippernet basics. As if!
Even later that day...
Reading backlog of L-Mail that c.maid brought. No, don't expect to add inches to my damselhood nor earn 2,500 gold coins a fortnight by rolling scrolls. Spam, spam, more tedious spam.
Aha! Welcome L-Mail from cousin Elaine! Even has attachment! Wait, am concerned about handling unknown attachments, even though from known L-Mail address. What if contains vyrus? Saracen Courtly Love III so rampant lately. Hence, dilemma. Oh, what to do? Attachment looks so delightful too, all wrapped in v. pretty mauve brocade with gold ribbon trim. Will risk potential vyrus and open.
What's this? A bottle of Guenevere's Own Secret Formula Shampoo and scented lye soap? Damn that Elaine, knows me too well. Elaine also writes to say she'll be at Big Jousting Tournament tomorrow, so will see me there. Promises that Sir Lancelot will be jousting! Ah, glory and joy! Now, to my sweet rose-scented bower, to dream of morrow's manly knights.
(to be continued...)