Dorothy Parker

Resume

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.



One Perfect Rose

A single flow'r he sent me, since we met.
	All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet--
	One perfect rose.

I knew the language of the floweret;
	"My fragile leaves," it said, "his heart enclose."
Love long has taken for his amulet
	One perfect rose.

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
	One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
	One perfect rose.



(Generally, the lady is a bit cynical for my tastes, but I'm right
with her in the following poem...)

Interview

The ladies men admire, I've heard,
Would shudder at a wicked word.
Their candle gives a single light;
They'd rather stay at home at night.
They do not keep awake till three,
Nor read erotic poetry.
They never sanction the impure,
Nor recognize an overture.
They shrink from powders and from paints...
So far, I've had no complaints.

 - Dorothy Parker