From: "Paul T. Riddell"
As a writer meself (I don't write SF, but I write
quite a few essays about the stuff), here's a few tips about dealing
with pro writers, most learned from years of long experience.
Firstly, remember that the writers you admire are normal folks, too.
After you see them at a convention, they'll go home and most likely
(save the ones lucky enough to make a living off writing) return to
their day jobs. I know you admire them, but don't go all worshippy
when you meet them.
Secondly, remember that they have real lives. Just because you get
Harlan Ellison's phone number or Piers Anthony's fax number doesn't
mean you have to use it (however, if someone happens to have H.Beam
Piper's phone number, please call me collect). If you call while
they're busy on, say, a new novel, you'll almost certainly interrupt
them while they're on a roll. They could be doing other things, like
washing dishes, playing with the kids, making love, taking a shower,
or dissecting the Jehovah's Witness who won't leave them alone, and
they'll feel lots less antic and friendly if you call just because you
have their number and want to chew the fat. Remember: you may know
them, but they probably don't know you.
(A tiny bit of advice to folks who think that a quick "let's do
lunch" at a con is an invite to move in: go out and rent Martin
Scorcese's "King of Comedy". If you find yourself imitating Rupert
Pupkin in any way, you've usually overstepped your welcome as far as
most pros are concerned.)
Thirdly, if you want to make friends with a pro, don't drink all of
his booze at a party, try to get the name of his agent, swipe his
books and steal his girlfriend, get up in his face and say "Your last
book/story/review was a lump of wombat dung", hit him in the face with
a cup of warm vomit, or any of the other lovely things fans have come
up with over the years to express their feelings toward their favorite
writers. If the pro is female, don't make a pass at her; she's most
likely not interested, and she'll probably take you out. If she's
married, her husband will probably finish the job, and you'll remember
that moment well while in traction. This goes double for male
writers: a fan once tried to make a pass at me, and my wife dropped
her like an elephant full of curare.
Fourthly, NEVER send stories or story ideas to a writer, no matter
how well-intentioned the act may be. Most fans forget that ideas are
a dime a dozen; the difference between an idea and a finished book is
about six months to five years of hard work. Most fans forget that,
and so they tend to get antsy about a book appearing by an author they
were chummy with that contains an idea they thought was theirs. 99
percent of the time, it's coincidence, but don't throw out the plot to
your 15-book magnum opus to your favorite pro unless you really want
him or her to hear about it. Most of the time, they really don't
anyway, but they'll be polite.
Fifthly, NEVER EVER take advantage of a pro's politeness. When a
pro stands back and lets a fan go into a 40-minute rendition of the
biology of Andorians or something like that, they're probably just
being nice and don't want to hurt the fan's feelings, but they're
probably thinking "I wish lightning would strike me dead". If a pro
breaks off and says "Sorry, but I have a panel, I have kids on the
stove, and I need to take my Thorazine", don't follow them down the
hall rattling away. Take a hint and let them have some time to
themselves.
Sixthly, remember that you can't simulate tone of voice in E-mail,
and that emoticons are a joke. Sending what to you was a mildly witty
comment about the author's last book might read as an attack upon his
writing ability, and thus is how flame wars start.
Lastly, remember this: if you really want to make a pro happy, buy
his/her work. Nice postcards and letters are fine, but they'll
appreciate you a lot more if you buy 500 copies of their latest books
and give them out to friends and relatives, or convince a publisher to
reprint a forgotten classic. We need to eat, too, and we can't
survive just on the love of our fans. With that in mind, the next
time you see your favorite writer, ask him/her politely if you can buy
them dinner. If s/he's at a con, that's usually to the detriment of
writing, and since most writers aren't writing for anything but a love
for the genre, the recipient will remember. You probably won't get a
book dedicated to you for it, but you never can tell.
Cordially,
Paul T. Riddell
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
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