Click here to go on to next month.
Owen's birthday party last night - lot of fun, but stayed up way too late, which is part of why I'm exhausted. I also let my Synthroid prescription run out last week, which is the other part. Avoiding thinking about the blood test I need to get to get a new prescription. (Nothing serious, just annual check of thyroid levels. Just don't like needles.) Exhausted and tired and depressed, almost all of which is almost certainly due to low thyroid levels. Must fix.
Lots of good resolutions lately -- we'll see if they follow through. Eat less and exercise; work more; get my medicine. Too tired to write more. Hope you're all doing well.
Well, I wasn't quite so bad yesterday as I thought...after I finished the journal entry, I put on some classical music, lighted a bunch of candles, focused my concentration and actually managed to write another 1500 words of the novella. 2500 to go and 2400 for Sizzle. I'm going to try and finish by Saturday sometime. Coul be worse...could be better. I'd hoped to get some writing done on Dreams this week...well, it's still a possibility. I've been thinking about it a fair bit, which is something.
Tonight's the local poly dinner up in Berkeley, and then Adam and I are going contra dancing in S.F. Should be fun. Then work tomorrow, and Sunday help Owen with his birthday party. Work more Monday. If I've finished the Puritan/Sizzle assignments, then Monday is dedicated to Dreams. We can hope, anyway.
Someone recently wrote to me and objected to my use of the word 'feminist'. I attempted to clarify what I meant by feminist, which wasn't what he meant by feminist, and we're now entangled in a discussion of the pro's and con's of equal opportunity programs. I'm going to post my reply here, in case you're curious, and as a bit of propagandizing. Maybe I'll convince you...maybe not. Keep in mind that I'm not sociologist...this is my rough idea of the theory/practice involved. I am in no way a representative for the math department at the Uiversity of Chicago (and my info may well be out of date -- for all I know, they may now have tenured women faculty.)
At the University of Chicago, one of the best math graduate departments in the country, there are no tenured women faculty. This is in part because for as far back as we know, women have not been encouraged to do math -- they've in fact been discouraged, by teachers/parents/society. There are studies to prove this. The math department feels that that is damaging to their department -- they're losing the input of half the population. Nobody knows in what ways math has been affected with only male brains and male perceptions working on the big problems. So they think it's worthwhile to spend a lot of money and time encouraging women to study math, and even accepting some who aren't quite as good as the men currently are -- the plan is that doing that will give them the chance to get better, now that they're not being stomped on all the time. And that eventually, both men and women will have a level playing field in math, and there won't be a need for any more equal opportunity programs...'cause they'll all *have* equal opportunities. So you see, the department isn't doing it to do women a favor -- they're doing it because they think it's better for their department and for math in the long run. Extrapolate outward.
It's like putting a crutch on a broken leg. Eventually you take the crutch off -- you don't ask the person with the broken leg to just walk around without it, saying 'Well, you've got one perfectly good leg.' The health of every part of the body (society) is essential to the health of the whole.
1:00 and I haven't done any writing yet. Ah well...still 5 hours to go. In the meantime, I did add a ton of new (well, old, since they were culled from some old files) quotes to my quotes page, and Sherman pointed me to an interesting summary of what's going on in the Supreme Court's hearing of the CDA case.
I've been working a lot, but on all sorts of little things, which means I don't have one nice big thing to point to and say, 'I accomplished that this week'. Ah well. At least my To Do stack is smaller.
Going to take it moderately easy for the rest of today. Sherman and possibly some others will be coming for dinner (chana masala, tandoori chicken, mixed vegetables, I think). So do some cooking, some homework, read my Harper's that just arrived. Try to get healthy again. Have a good weekend, everyone...
Life's been a little stressful lately - lots of work, and a bunch of important deadlines (some of which I missed, including the Cal Grant deadline :( !) I'll try to write more later, but I need ot head off to class. I just wanted to show you guys the letter I intended to share yesterday... (oh, btw, I went to a Boys of the Lough concert last night -- excellent! If you like Celtic music and they're touring in your area, you should definitely try to go).
Madam,
If I haven't begun thrice to write and as often thrown away my pen, may I never take it up again; my head and my heart have been at cuffs about you two long hours, -- says my head, you're a coxcomb for troubling your noodle with a lady whose beauty is as much above your pretensions as your merit is below her love.
Then answers my heart, -- Good Mr Head, you're a blockhead. I know Mr F___r's merit better than you; as for your part, I know you to be as whimsical as the devil, and changing with every new notion that offers, but for my share I am fixt, and can stick to my opinion of a lady's merit for ever, and if the fair she can secure an interest in me, Monsieur Head, you may go whistle.
Come, come, (answered my head) you, Mr Heart, are always leading the gentleman into some inconvenience or other; was it not you that first enticed him to talk to this lady? Your damn'd confounded warmth made him like this lady, and your busy impertinence has made him write to her; your leaping and skipping disturbs his sleep by night and his good humour by day; in short, sir, I will hear no more on't; I am head, and will be obeyed.
You lie, sir, replied my heart (being very angry), I am head in matters of love, and if you don't give your consent, you shall be forced, for I am sure that in this case all the members will be on my side. What say you, gentlemen Hands!
Oh (say the hands), we would not forego the tickling pleasure of touching a delicious white soft skin for the world.
Well, what say you, Mr Tongue?
Zouds, says the linguist, there is more extasy in speaking three soft words of Mr Heart's suggesting than whole orations of Signior Head's, so I am for the lady, and here's my honest neighbour, Lips, will stick to't.
By the sweet power of kisses, that we will, (replied the lips) and presently some other worthy members, standing up for the Heart, they laid violent hands (nemine contradicente) on poor Head, and knocked out his brains. So now, madam, behold me, as perfect a lover as any in Christendom, my heart firmly dictating every word I say. The little rebel throws itself into your power, and if you don't support it in the cause it has taken up for your sake, think what will be the condition of the headless and heartless
Farquhar
Also spent a while reading half off The Phantom Tollbooth Very very funny. Highly recommended, especially if you like wordplay.
Late for class, so I'd best run. Hope y'all are having a good day....
Also got ready a submission of "Would You Live For Me?" for Circlet Press's Taste of Midnight anthology, and worked on my application for Clarion West (sf 6 week workshop in June/July).
Also got my sister's birthday presents wrapped (wonder if she's reading this :-) and finally put my Sri Lanka pictures in a photo album. Lots of little productive things today (okay, writing a new story wasn't little :-).
I've been bad about submitting stuff to anthologies and magazines lately, so I'm trying to be better. Got spurred on a bit by a note from Cecelia that Sex Magick II (which has my story, "Fleeing Gods" in it) will be out soon (end of April, I think she said), which is exciting. Look for it from Circlet Press if you're interested -- it'll either be in the erotica or sf section of bookstores.
Gotta go make dinner -- just wanted to say hi to y'all. Had a really nice weekend hanging out with Sherman (incidentally met Diana Paxson, really good fantasy author and really nice lady) and feeling all energized and ready to take on new projects. Oh, and read The Crying of Lot 49 by Pynchon and a bunch of children's f/sf I picked up Friday (some Jones, some Newbit, some Eager, and some del Rey (the del Rey was especially exciting as it turned out to be a series I loved dearly as a child and had not been able to locate until now...)). Still have the first Alanna book (by Pierce), The Phantom Tollbooth (yes, I know, it's appalling that I haven't read it yet), and Lisa Goldstein's collection, Travellers in Magic. Good book week.
12:40 -- okay, the long-awaited e-mail notification of diary update!
I know, I know...you're tired of checking here daily (or hourly), only to find I have made absolutely no changes to this diary. So we've instituted a mailing list, for those of you who'd prefer to be notified when I've added something here. Simply send mail to this address with a subject line 'subscribe' to be added to the list. If you find it annoying, sending mail back to the same address (madiary-request@iam.com) with the subject line unsubscribe should get you off.
Keep in mind that you may need to 'refresh' the page to see the updated entry, and also note that any changes cause the e-mail to automatically go out, so the e-mail doesn't always mean a new entry.
I'm going to test this here -- let me know if you guys have any problems with it. If I don't hear anything in a week or so, I'll add this notice to the main diary page.
1:00 -- another poem
RHETORICAL
Shall I see you again, shall we
rip off the bandages and roll in our blood --
clenched in the skin-touching,
nerve-burning now, not soon, not later,
not eventually.
It is quiet here -- my books, my cat,
my house and flowers. Friends and
comfort and the rush of music and
swirl of dance and the lush luxury
of words. It could be enough.
Yet I have known the danger-thrill,
the touch and taste and thrust of death
of pain of love, and I, I find that I
would race to you, embrace the
burning ice, the freezing fire,
the swift combustion, destruction,
regeneration, if only a moment in your arms.
*****
M.A. Mohanraj
February 28, 1997
The trip was wonderful; I have no complaints. Tonight David arrives to visit for a bit, which should be nice, and at the very least will be distracting. :-) Since I do have tons of work to do, I'm going to go do it, but I'll leave you with a poem I wrote on the plane:
Lit more by stars than
pregnant moon,
a child could wish
to walk their valleys,
even dance.
I console myself blindly --
pleasure can subsume
the ache
for a sharper biting joy
that shrieks muffled within.
Turn up the lights, draw close the covers,
stir a cup of chocolate in a grey morning.
It is not a bad ending.
*****
M.A. Mohanraj
February 28, 1997
Been spending lots of time just hanging and talking to old friends (a couple of which are going through really hard times now and needing a shoulder), and also, of course, enjoying Kev's company. Been pretty good as well about practicing and working and reading the Ellison -- not sure what I think of it. I mean, it's well-written, and parts (especially the dialogue) are really gripping...but I find it hard following such an unsympathetic character -- actually, the book is full of unsympathetic characters. Bit distasteful to read...it'll be interesting to see what the class/prof says about it when I get back.
While I'm sorry about missing some of my classes, this break has been really good for me. It's just so nice seeing these people again, and being back on the Chicago campus and seeing the changes (if any alumni are reading this, you wouldn't believe what they've done to the Reynolds Club -- I mean, it's really nice, but jarring. I keep trying to walk through doors that don't exist anymore). It's been a satisfying trip so far: good food, good friends, good fun (and a fabulous Talisman game). Not many organized activities, though Elissa is having tea on Sunday (Liss's teas are legendary: little sandwiches, chocolate dipped fruit, tarts, and Eugenie's scones...), which should be great fun. Too bad I didn't bring a flowered dress...
Ah well -- back to work. Hope you're all doing well and surviving the winter okay -- I've borrowed Kev's warm jacket, but I must admit that I'll be glad to get back to warm weather.