NOTE: If this is your first visit to one of my pages, you might want to check out my home page first, so you have an idea where I'm coming from. The entries within each month are in reverse chronological order -- the newest is first. Enjoy! -- Mary Anne
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Just some quick notes, as I'm about to head out the door and go rent some movies -- a lazy day planned for today.
Yesterday evening was fun -- we splurged and ordered Indian food from New Delhi (chicken vindaloo, aloo paratha, samosas and more -- yum!). There are these little delivery companies in Philly that put out a menu from a selection of neighborhood restaurants, and will even deliver from multiple places for an extra $2, making it much too easy to order delivery. Nice service, and the restaurants are generally very good.
Not much exciting to say -- just spending a lot of time hanging out with friends, really. New Year's resolutions? Spend more time writing, and a lot more time marketing. I'll be at Arisia in Boston in mid-January (Arisia is a sf convention) for just that reason. Marketing is a pain.
Happy New Year, everyone!
I'm troubled. I spent much of this morning paging through some of the other diaries on-line, all of which are much more personal and specific than my own. And I'm considering whether I can/should keep this diary up without mentioning the names of people who are important in my life, or without talking about personal events. I'm not sure where or if I should draw the line between total disclosure/honesty and safety/privacy. I already (as a result of being a woman who writes erotica and admits it) get occasional disturbing e-mail, most of which I can ignore, but it's stressful sometimes (like the guy who kept sending me one-sentences messages, like 'you're a whore.') I don't know if it's fair to expose my friends to that. Or even to discuss their private lives in a public forum. They're already used to my fictionalizing their lives in stories and poems, but that somehow seems slightly less intrusive than saying 'X and I had a terrible fight', or 'I had the best sex of my life with Y last night.' Even if I just use first names, I have a link to at least one of my partners in my 'friends link' section, and so it would be easy for someone to start sending harassing e-mail to that person.
It really makes me angry sometime that my words and life can be so constrained by danger from idiots.
I suppose the best thing to do is ask each of the people I'd like to mention if they'd mind. And then think about exactly what I want to say to you all. Oof.
To go back to the standard fare of this journal -- yesterday I watched Flirting again, a classic Australian movie about high school and being an outsider and falling in love and a lot more. Thoroughly enjoyed it. After that, there occurred various and complex events in my love life, all of which have left me feeling slightly off-kilter today, and which spurred the rant above. In brief, I've started re-examining both a particular relationship in my life, and my views on relationships and polyamory in general. For those not familiar with polyamory, please ref. the newsgroup, alt.polyamory, especially the FAQ.
I also spent some time working on some old lyrics for a rather odd song I wrote many years ago, because a friend wants me to write lyrics to some of his music, and so I'm thinking much more about music than I have in a while. I used to play classical piano and flute -- now I futz around on a keyboard and pennywhistle and bodhran and wooden spoons and am much more interested in the folk tradition. I still have trouble 'jamming', so to speak -- I feel a need for written music that just doesn't fit in with the ethos or practice of folk or basement band.
noon -- I finally got back the last of the photos from my trip to Sri Lanka, in addition to some photos I thought I had lost of an old love. Interesting, and leaving me feeling somewhat wistful. I wouldn't mind a week on a tropical island right now.
Okay. So I thought about it some, and talked it over with my friends, so here's the deal. They're okay with me mentioning them by first name, which makes life a little simpler. So I get to do that, and I'll tell you a little more about them, so you have some context. On the other hand, I'm not really interested in turning this diary into some form of soap opera, so you probably won't get the ins and outs of my emotional life. More philosophical/practical sort of. Of course, all this (and everything) is always subject to change.
Not much more to report lately. Finally started submitting stories again today -- sent a short piece called "Send in the Clown" to Terra Incognita, a new sf magazine with a cool premise -- we'll see if they like it. Also got a check from CyberPorn Magazine for a reprint -- checks are always nice. One of these days I'll get to quit the day job.
Hmmm...guess I'll wait and see what response this gets. If the crazies start coming out in droves, I'll have to just delete this info. I do want to note -- several people have written and expressed concern that I put my address on the web. I appreciate the thought, but keep in mind that since it's clear to any moderately competent hacker that I log in from Philly, a quick phone call to information is all they need to get my home phone and address. I don't want to live in fear. So far, perhaps I've just been lucky, but I plan to live my life as openly as is reasonable. And 'reasonable' is, of course, a very subjective judgement.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds...
Hmmm. Reading poetry this morning. I'm rather fond of Shakespeare. His sonnets often leave something to be desired, but I do like this one. I come back to it ever so often to remind myself that I should curb those impulses to shape and change and mold my partner(s) into more comfortable forms. Rough edges can be useful.
Spend two hours on the phone with my friend Kirsten (she's the successful one, an actuary in St. Paul (side note: St. Paul has a fantastic Sri Lankan restaurant. Don't remember the name, but it was really good, and the second hottest food was too hot for *me* to eat. There are also supposedly 3 Sri Lankan restaurants in NY). Makes heaps of money but I wouldn't want her job. She says she likes it.) last night, talking over the new David thing, and lots of old stuff. She's stranded in the middle of Minnesota with a boyfriend and some other casual friends but no real girlfriends, nobody to go shopping with or dye her hair with or bitch about men with. Sad. We're considering taking a weekend at the end of February to go down to Disney World -- I haven't been there in years, and it would be nice to be warm for a long weekend. Have to see if my finances are up to it.
I took a break from the Twain (some fascinating descriptions of just how hard it was to be a steamboat pilot on the Mississippi) to speed through a re-reading of Sayers' The Nine Tailors. A good mystery, but one with massive amounts of campanology (bell-ringing) lore, which went right over my head. I also missed Harriet Vane in it -- guess I indulged myself a little too much with Busman's Honeymoon. I had also planned to watch Party of Five last night (I admit it, I'm an addict), but Kirstie's call interrupted. Anyone want to fill me in on what happened?
I'm considering self-publishing an anthology of my erotic poetry and stories, of a quality similar to what you'd find in a good bookstore. I'd include a few old favorites and some new works. However, to make it cost effective, I'd have to order about 500 copies, and charge you guys $10.00/book. So I need to get a feel for a) whether you'd buy such a book (about 120 pgs of text), and b) whether $10 is a reasonable price for it. So I'm asking ALL of you to please drop me a quick note answering those questions. Thanks!
Well, the responses have been pouring in! (ok, not quite, but 5 affirmatives in one night is a very good sign). I wouldn't be able to afford this myself until around March/April sometime. In the meantime, I'll be talking to some publishers (Gary Bowen at Obelesk and Cecelia Tan) to see if I can talk them into doing it for me. It's kind of a scary project to undertake all on my own...
Yesterday was pleasant -- made crepes again for dinner (they're great with sliced apples sauteed in butter and cinnamon and some shredded sharp cheddar) and hung out at David's place. He's a musician, and plays bass guitar with a young band. He seems to think that I have some potential for singing backup vocals or somesuch -- makes me highly nervous, but it might be fun to try. A neat hobby, anyway -- I can't imagine giving up writing for it. :-) It's amazing how much more nerve-wracking it is to sing in front of people than to play an instrument; the voice is just much more personal, I suppose.
I miss my mathematician (he's home in California visiting the folks). 9 days and counting.
..afternoon....Just a quick note --feeling exhausted (didn't sleep well last night) and so I'm going to head home a little early and try to catch a nap. I'm supposed to have dinner with my friend Abby (she owns a used bookstore out in the 'burbs) and then we're driving up to First Friday (the monthly meeting of the Philadelphia Folk group. Should be fun, if I don't fall asleep.
I'm going to skip past all the day-to-day stuff because I want to talk about a book. I just finished LeGuin's Very Far Away From Anywhere Else, and it makes me want to cry. Not because it's sad. It's not sad, though it is very intense, and that's part of why it hit me. Mostly it's because she's so damn good a writer, and while I know I'm competent and more than competent, I don't want to be just that -- I want to be really good. I want to make people laugh and cry and be silent and want to write. And I don't know any real way to become a good writer (you can't go to school for it or serve an apprenticeship) except to write and write and pay attention to people and the world. And I'm doing that, but even when I'm not being lazy or distracted or scared or earning a living doing something that requires far less than half a brain, I have no idea whether I'll ever be as good as I want to be, even if I work as hard as I should. Which is terrifying, because of course I don't work as hard as I should...certainly not even as hard as I can, and I never have, which is why I've been an underachiever all my life except for odd flashes. So I'm shaken, and scared, but you shouldn't worry about me, because this too will pass and soon I'll be back to my normal complacent (vaguely worried in the back of my head) self, and that's perhaps the worst of it. If I could just hold on to this intensity and fear and courage, maybe I could be a writer someday.
I'll tell you tomorrow about the humdrums of today. I want to hold onto this energy as long as I can. Perhaps I can drag a story or a poem out of it.
My Friends Call Me a Fool
I'm staying with him
not because I love him (I do.)
or because he loves me (He does.)
or because we have a joint lease.
I'm staying with him
because in July of 1995
I decided I would
dare to.
That is all my current wisdom.
I've just been chosen Australia's Cool Site of the Day! Exciting!
It's a stunningly beautiful morning, though I suppose not everyone would think so. The snow has been coming down for many hours now, steadily, and all the trees and fenceposts and bushes and porch chairs that I can see from my back window are covered in powdery layers. Like ice cream, or magic. Very still and quiet -- all the normal street noises are muffled or gone (many people staying in today), and since Karina's still asleep, I can almost pretend that the world has gone away and it's just me and the snow. Some of the strongest moments of my life have been encased in snow and rain.
I wanted to tell you a little more about that LeGuin book I mentioned yesterday. I was so caught up in my own reactions to it that I didn't tell you about it, and I have a feeling that many of you may enjoy it as much as I did. See, it's the story of a geek. An intellectual. A smart guy who is caving in under the pressure to confirm. A teenager in love/lust/etc. And I liked it a lot. Even her fluffier books, (like Rocannon's World which I read this morning) has something to them that makes me think. I'm going to quote you the bit they have on the inside front cover (the flyleaf?) of Very Far Away...:
"I've had high points before. Once at night walking in the park in the rain in autumn. Once out in the desert, under the stars, when I turned into the earth turning on its axis. Sometimes thinking, just thinking things through. But always alone. By myself. This time I was not alone. I was on the high mountain with a friend. There is nothing, there is nothing that beats that. If it never happens again in my life, still I can say I was there once."
So go read it. It's a very short book.
Funny how important old lovers stay in your life. Looking back now, most of my best friends are people I once dated -- maybe it's just that they know you better than anyone else does.
Going back two nights to something I missed -- the folk gathering was fantastic. My friend Abby drove me up, and we sang from about 9:30 to 2:00 am. There's a certain high you get when you're singing well in a group -- it's like a writing high, or dancing, but the collaboration adds something to it -- each time you think you've plateaued and you're as happy as you're going to get, someone else starts singing an old song you'd forgotten you knew or teaches you a variant or extra verses to one of your favorites or you just listen to some really fantastic playing on an instrument you can't play and it just lifts you higher and higher.
The next morning I spent at Abby's bookstore (am I jealous she owns her own bookstore? naaahhh...) spending too much money and not regretting it at all. Picked up a silly/cool button too - "If you've never said 'excuse me' to a parking meter or bashed your shins on a fireplug, you're probably wasting too much valuable reading time." My friends tell me that some day I'm going to get killed because I cross streets with a book in front of my face. I think I have radar. :-)
Cathedral spires jut out into the ice sky.
Three days of snow are ended;
fragile clouds scatter across a clear glowing blue.
Hard edges are softened, and a muffled stillness
has surrounded this corner of the world.
Peace walks the chambers of the heart,
and a quiet joy rises. There is something to be said
for moments alone.
I will gladly relinquish
it all -- when you return.
Hope y'all don't mind just getting a poem yesterday. It was a quiet day at home (work cancelled due to weather) and I just didn't have much to say. Dinner came out really well, though:
Spicy Chicken and Peppers Over Angelhair
__________________________________________
1/2 lb chicken breast, in small chunks
1 red pepper, diced
1 green pepper, diced
2 serrano peppers, minced (careful about pepper oil on your fingers)
1 small onion, diced
8 cloves garlic, diced
seasonings
2 T. butter
1 1/2 c. hot milk
3 T. fine cornmeal
1. Fry onion and garlic in a little vegetable oil on high. When onions are translucent, add chicken, peppers, and herbs to taste (some basil and rosemary work very well with a dash of black pepper and 1/2 t. - 1 t. of salt.) Cook 5 minutes.
2. Lower heat to medium low. Add butter and hot milk 1/2 c. at a time, alternating with a T. of cornmeal each time and stirring constantly. Cook 5-10 minutes till sauce is creamy. Do not burn!
3. Serve over fresh angelhair pasta. For a veggie version, skip the chicken and add some sliced plum tomatoes in the last 10 minutes of cooking. Enjoy!
Not much to say today either. Getting off work early and have to race to the bank to deposit a pay check before my rent check arrives there -- wish me luck! Hoping weather clears up before Friday -- I'm going to be really annoyed if anything interferes with our trip to Arisia (sf convention in Boston - January 12-14). If any of you will be there, please feel free to say hi. I should be easy to recognize - though this picture is about 4 years old, I look pretty much the same now -- a couple more wrinkles, a couple fewer pounds.
Another mostly quiet day so far -- the snow has stopped falling, but it still blocks most of the roads in Philly (we have entirely inadequate snow removal facilities) and so life is still very muffled and relaxed here. Relaxed for the workers, that is, most of whom had the previous two days off and are still going slow today -- the bosses are going around looked stressed and frazzled due to loss of business. Sometimes it's nice being a peon.
I was very good today! I did my approximately bimonthly update of the Alternative Sexualities in SF/Fantasy Booklist. The list has gotten long enough that it's rather a chore maintaining it, but I suppose it's worthwhile. Someone should do it.
I have a friend, Kathryn, visiting me for the next week. She's an undergraduate with a long holiday break and her parents were driving her crazy so I said she could come stay with me for a week till the dorm reopened. And I'm happy to see her, but I'm feeling so tired and antisocial that I wasn't quite up to being enthusiastic, which probably disappointed her a bit. Well, I'm going over to Dave's after work, so I guess I'll make it up to her tomorrow. Cook something fabulous or something. (Speaking of fabulous food, I had lunch at Baricci's today, and if you're ever in Philly, they do a terrific tangerine sorbet. Yum!)
Someone asked me in e-mail if I found it difficult dealing with multiple relationships, dealing with the needs of more than one person. My quick, flip answer was 'nope.' A more honest answer is that of course I do, but I think it's not much more difficult than multiple friends or multiple family members. Sure, sometimes my partners have conflicting needs, and choices must be made -- but that would be just as true of my father versus my best friend, or my mother versus my child (I don't actually have any kids, but you get the idea). In some ways it's easier -- you can explain a situation to an adult and work on compromise -- there's no real way to do that with a young child. Of course, in some ways it's harder too, but I think the rewards are worth it. An interesting question, at any rate.
Yesterday I finished rereading Anne of Green Gables, skimming the final chapter because it was much too depressing, and got partway through Anne of Avonlea before I fell asleep. If you're not familiar with them, the Anne books (I think there are six of them) by L.M. Montgomery are a delightful series of children's books about a very sensitive and intelligent and romantic child who grows up and gets herself into a series of adventures. The books are a little sticky sweet, but Anne herself is engaging, and was definitely someone I considered a kindred spirit back when I was a shy child who spent most of her time hidden behind bookshelves at the library. If you read the rain poem I referred to a few entries ago, you'll already know that libraries are important to me.
One of my readers sent me the address of his diary as well the address of a page listing some other diaries. Thought I'd pass them along for the diary addicts among you.
Argh! Rotten day so far. I messed up something at work, so my boss was slightly irritated (luckily she's a reasonable person and is no longer upset) and the patients are grouching at me, and it's mostly not even my fault, it's the fault of this damned snow (even more than the snow, it's the fault of Philly's utterly inadequate snow-removal which is just making everyone's lives miserable). Damn damn damn.
Okay, I needed to vent a bit. Slightly better now. And I still don't know if I'm going to be able to go to this convention this weekend, and I really do want to go. If it snows again I'll have to strangle someone.
On the bright side, it's actually kind of pleasant tromping to work through the snow (I walk about twelve blocks each way). On the way today I passed this enormous snowbank on which boxes of fruits and vegetables had been scattered. One box had broken open, and bright red and green peppers cascaded over the white snow -- if I had only had a camera! As I paused there, a man stepped out of a restaurant next door. Turns out that he hadn't wanted to block the street with his truck while unloading, so he had just tossed all his boxes of produce out onto the snowbank. :-)
Kevin called last night -- apparently he got his flights confused and isn't coming back till Sunday. I would be bummed, except that hopefully I'll be in Boston Friday - Sunday anyway. If there's a net connection at the convention I'll try to keep updating this diary.
You might want to check out the new Clarion Diary I just added to these pages.
Okay, snow report. So far, USAir claims that my 4:00 flight will go to Boston. Cross your fingers, send me good thoughts, pray if that's your thing. I'd really like to go to this convention.
Otherwise, a good day. Was a little cold walking half an hour through the snow to work, but it's kind of fun too. Reminds me of growing up in Connecticut -- when I was little, we lived far from the nearest bus stop and so we had to tromp through the woods for a bit every day. The snow came up to our hips (we were short, remember?) and the biggest kids would break a path through the snow. Great fun in a lot of ways, even if our toes did freeze.
Just got a call from home. Roof is leaking again. Our landlord is such a horrible slumlord -- arrgh! If you're ever living in Philadelphia, avoid renting from PA Residential Real Estate, run by Leonard Stolker, 13th and Lombard.
12:30 -- plane still scheduled.
2:20 -- plane still scheduled -- about to leave for train to plane as soon as boss lady finishes with patient. Wish me luck! In case I don't have access at the con, have a good weekend everyone!
I'm exhausted. Bone-weary, eyes propped open exhausted. But I have so much I want to record before I forget it, so I have to sit here typing. As you no doubt figured out, there was no net access at the convention, so I was unable to do diary entries for Saturday and Sunday. (Well, actually I got back last night, so I could have written one, but I just tumbled into bed instead -- didn't even pay the bills, and I really have to do that soon). Aside from the lack of net access, Arisia was pretty well run (turns out that the February convention in Boston, BosCon, may actually be more useful to me, since it's more writing-oriented, but oh well...)
I'm not going to go into great detail, but I spent almost the entire time I was there in panels (I skipped at least 2 meals because I didn't have time to eat). I slept a total of 8 hours in two nights (not unusual for a con) and joined an incredible jam session (singing, playing, dancing) for six hours one night. There's a certain thrill playing with people that you just can't get playing alone, no matter how brilliant your performance. We stumbled and sputtered occasionally (since we were both sight-reading and often playing unfamiliar instruments), but it was great fun regardless.
I'm glad to be home, tired and inspired (wrote a new poem and a song (which needs some work) on the plane last night, but forgot them at home so I'll try to type them in here tomorrow. In the meantime, (and I feel a little embarrassed doing this) I'd like to share with you a poem one of my readers sent in (posted here with his permission). I get some wonderful mail from you guys, and I enjoy it all (well, except for an occasional obnoxious one), but every once in a while I receive something so lovely in its own right that I want to share it. One of those, from Cecil Williams, turned into a story that we collaborated on, Jinsong. Here's another.
Good morning! I'm in a good mood today -- finally started to catch up on sleep last night. It's amazing what a difference that makes in mood. I should write an ode to sleep...
Yesterday I was lazy cooking dinner and bought a premade sauce for stirfry. I may be lazy more often, because it turned out delicious, though not at all what I expected. Chop up vegetables (I used broccoli, carrots, mushrooms, fresh ginger, garlic, scallions, onions, and green and yellow peppers, bamboo shoots. I'd also recommend trying sprouts and snow peas and water chestnuts). Scramble a few eggs in peanut oil. Remove eggs to the side. Fry vegetables in peanut oil and hot oil and black pepper and a little soy for two minutes. Return eggs to pan and remove from heat. Stir in one bottle of Singapore Peanut Satay Sauce. The resulting dish will taste much more curry-like than peanutty (don't know why), but is yummy over rice. Note that I used approximately 2-3 times the amount of vegetables recommended on the bottle.
Paid bills yesterday. Hooray. I feel virtuous, especially since (for a change) none of them are late. I'm trying to repair my ailing credit rating. Finally sent off the invoice to Puritan, so hopefully I'll be getting my nice fat check soon.
Speaking of Puritan, I'm going to pitch an idea to my editor for his CyberSex column. A round table interview with some of my favorite net erotica writers (so far The Flying Pen and Michael Kalen Smith have agreed to be interviewed :-). Hope he likes the idea -- I think it could be fun. If you want to recommend any good questions I could ask the group, I'd love to hear 'em. Just drop me a note.
Sleep, glorious sleep...:-) Feel much better. Bright and chipper and cheery and ready to roll up the sleeves and do some actual work (so what am I doing instead? Writing this diary. :-)
Someone wrote and asked for more details on the Con. Well, I found Arisia very helpful -- I spent some time talking to Will Shetterly (who pretty regularly posts to rec.arts.sf.written) and his wife, Emma Bull (who wrote the fabulous novel, War for the Oaks which they've apparently recently done a screenplay for and are about to start shipping around to filmmakers -- cross your fingers -- it could be an amazing film!) They were both very nice and friendly and helpful (strongly recommended that I attend ReaderCon and the summer con in Minnesota (where they live)) and I also got to hear Emma open for Boiled in Lead (go get their CD's if you like Celtic rock!) as half of the duo Flashgirls (I did buy their CD, and am very happy with it. They were a little rocky at the live concert but sound terrific on the CD). I don't think Firebird Arts and Music carries it, so contact them directly if you're interested.
I attended many many panels, as I said before, and in fact got drafted to be on the Asian folklore panel (not just 'cause I'm Sri Lankan, but because I studied a lot of that stuff in college). My favorites were probably the Retelling Fairytales panel (very popular), the net culture panels (though we ended up arguing a lot, and they probably should be broken up into smaller panels next year), the Plotting a Novel panel (we continued with the material from the earlier Build a World panel, and plotted the first third of a novel -- definitely could have used another hour or three, and it was great fun), and the various genre panels (I'm starting to learn a little bit about horror -- there appears to be a wealth of quality material out there that I just knew nothing about). I also got to meet Jane Yolen, which was an honor and a pleasure (she's an amazing storyteller), and it was a shame she had to go home sick midway through Saturday.
Life has now returned mostly to its regularly scheduled programming. More specifically, I watched two hours of figure skating last night (the Rock and Roll Figure Skating Competition), which was a lot of fun. Chris Hamilton is adorable, and Katarina Witt is lovely. I'm very fond of athletes. :-) Had French bread pizza for dinner - great if you're feeling lazy or feeding a bunch of people with different tastes. Just buy or make tomato sauce and chop up a bunch of toppings and chunks of French bread and let everyone make and bake their own pizzas.
Am spending much too much time playing Might and Magic (though not as much as poor David, (first I addicted him to Warlords, now Might and Magic :-) who is going to be ahead of me soon, since he neither works nor studies (must be nice!). As for the other people in my life, Karina is not sleeping well, and so is cranky -- she also is not fond of Kevin's new attempt at a beard. I'm reserving judgement for a few weeks until it grows out more, though I suspect I won't like it either. Looks odd on him, but it's very nice to have him home regardless. We're balanced again and all's well with the world. (Now if my editor would just get back to town...)
Red letter day! Not only am I going to be interviewed for Forum Magazine, but my editor ok'd my article on erotica writers of the internet! Hooray hoorah! Nice addition to my rent money, and it should be a fun piece to write. I'm starting to feel like a writer again...
On the other hand, feeling like a writer also sort of involves making me want to go hide a closet with my computer, and so all the lovely people in my life are irritating the heck out of me. Isn't it too bad that you can't just tell a love that now isn't a good time for them to have a crisis because you have to finish writing this chapter (reading this book, making dinner, watching television, playing Might and Magic...)? Well, you can, but if you pull it too often or for inconsequential reasons, you'll almost certainly have trouble on your hands. Maybe I should date more people like Kevin (the semi-perfect stoic, he hardly ever has crises. Like 2 in 4 years). Of course, you can't exactly choose the people you fall in love with. And if you could, you'd probably make bad choices (though there are days when I wish I could combine the good qualities of people into one perfect person -- Kevin's patience, David's neatness, Karina's affection, etc. and so on (and delete the bad qualities, which of course I'm not going to list here :-)).
Saw Jumanji last night. Loved it. I don't want to hear any critique of it, 'cause I enjoyed it immensely and don't want anything to detract from that enjoyment. I got to revert to being a terrified 10-yr-old + I got Robin Williams, whom I adore (want to hear strange? Here's a list of my favorite actors: Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, Emma Thompson, Matthew Broderick, Sean Connery, and Anthony Hopkins). We had planned to see Toy Story, but it wasn't playing downtown (Philly has not enough movie theatres!) and I can't say I regret the result. Serendipitous! (Did you know that that word comes from Serendip, which used to be a name of Sri Lanka?)
I've definitely decided to start the porn/erotica market list/newsletter/ gossip column thingie. So if you're a professional writer, artist, model, photographer in the field (or want to be) drop me a note and I'll add you to my list of interested people.
Got a very nice rejection from Terra Incognita -- the 'we like your work, but don't feel this piece is suitable for us, please send us more' rejection. If you can't get something accepted, this is the next best thing.
The weather is gorgeous. Not everyone would agree with me, but it's raining buckets and it's warm! Warm enough to throw on a warm shirt and go dance in the rain! I happened to be wearing a bright red shirt and black leggings today, and when I threw on my blue/green plaid highlander cloak and went walking off to work (singing, no less), I felt like a character out of a fairy tale (and the people who saw me no doubt thought I was insane. Which is fine -- poets are allowed a divine madness. :-)
So far two of my interviewees have responded -- it looks like this has a potential to be a really good article. If only the editor (very nice guy) would let me do a longer one -- but I guess he has his own constraints. I should be grateful that a hard-core mag even prints articles.
I managed to kick everyone out of the house last night and got to spend some quality time with my cat (black, originally named Chandi (another name for Kali, Hindu goddess of death and destruction), but renamed Kitten, because Kevin seems incapable of calling cats anything but Cat or Kitten (sigh)) and myself. Also did some dishes. :-) Good for me.
I've got a song stuck in my head. Ever heard Four Strong Winds? It's a lovely piece.
Got up, did dishes, made soup, bread baking. Going to shower soon and head out to a writing workshop -- will be there all day. Talk to y'all later or tomorrow...
Oops. Missed a day. Will come back and insert a story I wrote today to make it up to you.
Here you go -- hope you enjoy Charlie.
Ugh, what a morning. The toilet's stopped up; I missed my bus by 20 seconds and had to walk in (pleasant some days, but I was/am cold today); and I'm feeling sick. On the plus side, yesterday I managed to make two batches of baking powder biscuits (yum!) and ate the soup I made Saturday morning with salad that our friend Sarah brought over and chocolate pudding pie (very very easy -- just add milk to Jello chocolate pudding mix and pour into graham cracker crust -- chill 2 hours). Also made and hung curtains (well, I still have to hang one of them, but I'll do it tonight), dark green, for the bedroom. I've been in a domestic mood lately, can you tell? :-)
So the workshop Saturday. Well, I did get a bunch of useful crits of my story "Worse than Dragons" (wish I could share it with you, but I'm trying to sell this one, so I need to keep it quiet) which is a fun little fairytale. Basically they liked it, but thought I spent too much lead time on it and was weak on plot. Loved the voice/characters. Pretty typical of my writing, I'm afraid -- I can do style and character and voice -- plot is tough. If I'm not careful, I'll spend all my time doing little character vignettes which are fun but don't sell!
On the negative side, the group (largish - 20 people?) seems to socialize a lot
and work little. We spent about 9 hours doing work that could easily have been
done in 4-5. I'm not sure what to do about that in the future except bring a
book.
Last night I hosted the local Poly Support Group meeting -- usually a fun thing and useful, but this one was frustrating because I wasn't in the mood to be social and hostess-y (usually I enjoy it) and because a couple of rather loud people dominated the discussion and sort of overpowered the quieter ones. Which I guess happens a lot in meetings, but I'm not an experienced enough moderator to know how to fix it. Yick.
Such an up and down week. The toilet's fixed and the bedroom's clean and I bought tulips yesterday and scattered them around the place (in bottles and vases, not on the floor :-), so home is looking very nice and I just submitted two stories to Penthouse Forum (Paint and Just Reading News) (or I will as soon as I buy stamps) so things are good there. On the other hand, I think I may have to quit my job, for complicated reasons having little to do with either me or my boss and much to do with other people's incompetence (and expecting me to clean up their mess). It's nothing immediate - I'll give a month's notice in any case. But the whole thing is stressful and frustrating and I don't want to deal with it. Argh.
I did go back and insert that story I promised you for last Sunday. Hope you enjoy it (not sure one is supposed to do that sort of thing, but oh well).
Morning, everyone. I just walked in to work, reading issue #2 of Century Magazine as I go. I haven't read this magazine before, but so far I'm very impressed. Every story I've read so far (3) has blown me away -- it's difficult deciding which one I like best, though I think "La Charmante" by Felicity Savage (her real name) wins by an edge. Definitely a magazine worth taking a look at, though the consistently high quality (and supposedly very slow response time) makes me despair of selling them one of my own stories. Oh well -- wish me luck!
Not much else exciting to report on this end. Waiting to see how the job situation goes. Got some stories to submit. Mailed out the Forum submission. Spent yesterday evening relaxing at David's. All is generally well, and I'm starting to itch to write...
Got a neat piece of mail this morning:
"It is great to see the realms of intrinsic human cultural awareness being
tenuously prodded by pioneers such as yourself."
Well, whether it is or not, events are proceeding apace. Yesterday I withdrew several submissions which had been out for several months, (to Crank!, Century, Dragon Magazine, Worlds of Fantasy and Horror (they're having real problems, from what I hear), and Zero Gravity Freefall) which will hopefully let me sell those stories to other markets. I had some snail-mail problems for a while, so it's possible that their rejections (or acceptances, I suppose) simply didn't reach me, so I won't give up on the markets quite yet. Got "The Devouring Night" ready and sent it off to Science Fiction Age (okay, will send it as soon as I get more stamps). So all's well there.
Rheal has also kindly agreed to help me start up the erotica/porn discussion list for writers (Rheal runs the Writer's Workshop, a fabulous place for getting critique and market information, divided into various subgenres - send mail to listserv@psuvm.psu.edu with the message 'subscribe writing' in the body of your text to join), so we're getting started on that, which is exciting.
Watched my show last night (Party of Five :-) so yesterday evening was pleasant. I'm coming down with a nasty cold, though (was up coughing much of the night), so I may leave work early today. Finished that issue of Century as well last night -- not all the stories were quite as good as the first three, but the writing level was still surprisingly high.
Payday! (which will mostly dissolve into bills soon, but oh well...)
Hey, everyone. I should put a counter on this page too -- I wonder how many people actually read this each day.
Still somewhat sick -- stayed home from work today and slept in to help recuperate. Still horrendous bags under my eyes and my throat is pretty bad, but my body doesn't feel quite as achy as it did yesterday. Hmm... hold on a sec -- I'm going to go put on some water for hot chocolate.
Okay, am back. Ugh, my kitchen is a mess. As soon as I finish this, I'm afraid it'll be dishes time. I've been neglecting the place a bit since I've either been sick or over at Dave's a lot lately, and neither Karina nor Kevin are too into housework (more accurately, they're pretty much slobs -- good thing they have other appealing qualities :-).
Hmmm...thinking about a bunch of stuff lately. Was really happy last night at David's -- so happy that I was sort of hyperaware of it, if that makes any sense. Happy enough that I wanted to capture that experience, that moment, (the whole thing, not just a snapshot of it (why is it that we so often take photos of things and not recordings? Is sight so much more important than sound? Why haven't we developed touch-recorders of some kind, so that sf-type feelies could really be done?)) to pull out and hold onto in those moments when I'm feeling like the world is too bleak to be borne. Not that I've ever actually felt suicidal -- I'm just much too pragmatic/optimistic (depends on your point of view) a person, and I know that my misery is unlikely to last...but sometimes it would be very good to be able to feel happy on cue. And I'd rather not rely on alchohol or drugs to do it for me (actually, call me an innocent, but I've never tried any drug other than liquor -- not even a cigarette -- maybe someday, but I just haven't felt a need for it, and I'm scared of possible consequences. Weird, especially since in some ways I feel like a writer should try to experience as much as possible in order to write effectively. Well, those can wait, at any rate. I'm generally on a Mary Anne-high in any case, and I'm moody enough without 'em).
Oof, rambling like crazy. Which probably means I should go write a story if the words are flowing this easily, but I don't really have any ideas on what I want to work on. There are a couple unfinished pieces lying around -- "The Prometheus Design" and "A Tale of Two Tellers" and of course the novel, but none of them sound particularly interesting right now. I'm actually collaborating on "A Tale" with Riffy, a net.friend of mine, and it's definitely my turn, but goddess-knows when I'll get to it.
Whine whine, complain complain, moan groan kvetch. I'm going to go drink my hot chocolate and try to do some dishes. I can at least be somewhat constructive even if I can't write.
Good evening, everyone. Not a whole lot to report, since I'm still sick and mostly have been schlepping around the house trying to get well (and not really succeeding, although my cold does seem to be moving around a fair bit -- last night was hacking cough -- today it's incessant sneezing. sigh). I did drag myself out to a party last night despite illness, and glad I did, because I ran into a friend whom I haven't seen in a few months (he's been very busy with exams) and who I think is pretty cute and who I think was perhaps flirting back with me? Not sure, but perhaps we will see where this goes? Oh, sometimes I think I am a fool, but then again, youth is short and sweet and now is the time to be foolish, no? What's a little fling between good friends? It's fun to think about, anyway.
Today re-reading Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a ridiculously funny book by Douglas Adams. On something like the 4th or 5th re-reading he still has me laughing out loud -- very impressive.
Not much else to say, actually. Behind on collating interviews for the magazine article -- must do tomorrow morning! Feeling too spacy to attempt it tonight. Should also get to bed moderately early since I'm having some friends over for potluck brunch tomorrow. Somehow even though I know I'm sick I have a hard time convincing myself to slow down.
Oops. Didn't mean to miss this day. Will fill in.
Crunch crunch. Under deadline for erotica article. Will talk later. Wish me luck.
Sorry for the hiatus, guys. The machine was down yesterday and I couldn't get in. Wouldn't have been able to write much in any case, because I've been typing my fingers into the ground finishing the rough draft of the interview. All done now -- just polishing and trimming to do. I'm really pretty happy with it -- I'm trying to figure out where else might like to buy reprint rights on an article interviewing some of the top erotica writers on-line. I know Penthouse has a HotTek column, but I'm not sure what other sex magazines or net-focused magazines would be interested. Any suggestions?
Other than that, life is pretty good. Sunday I had a potluck brunch which extended into dinner and a game of Cosmic Encounter (a very fun game that I used to play years ago and which Kevin gave me a copy of for Christmas) with some friends. Monday had dinner at Sarah's (other Penn mathematician) - vegetable dumplings and miso soup -- easier to make than I had expected. Just chop up your favorite vegetables very small and put a little bit in the center of little dumpling sheets that you can buy at the store and use some warm water to fold over and seal them. Then boil, steam or fry them, as desired. For miso soup you apparently just make a clear soup and add a chunk of miso (dissolved in a little hot soup first, as if you were adding flour). I guess you buy miso in the Asian part of town? And yesterday I went over to David's after work and after finishing the rough interview. Chicken stir-fry for dinner, and Cherry Garcia ice cream! (One of my three favorite flavors). One might go off into interesting speculation on what kind of guy would give ice cream rather than flowers, but since David reads this occasionally, I think I'll spare him that. :-)
Hmmm...looking back over these entries (and the diary in general) I find more than a few references to food. Oh well -- I'm fond of it. Food is one of the great joys of life, as far as I'm concerned.
Re: books (one of the other major forces in my life) I've been a little slow lately - too much socializing. Reread The Restaurant at the End of the Universe (Douglas Adams), sequel to Hitchhiker's. Great, of course. Currently almost finished with latest issue of Tomorrow SF, a somewhat disappointing read in comparison with Century, but with one story I really liked, "A Piece-a Chain," told in the voice of a scared black kid who finds (and is changed by) some magic to help him cope with the violence of his everyday life. Also in the middle of Anne of Avonlea, which I had started quite a while ago and am just now picking up again.
Finally almost over my cold -- I slept about 10 hours last night and am feeling much better. I've been trying to put up the .jpg of the graphic that the Australian Cool Site of the Day people sent me, but with no luck. I Just get a broken picture, and I don't know enough about graphics to know why. Sigh. I did okay ftp'ing the Magellan .gif, but the Aussies mailed me theirs, and I suspect I messed up in stripping the headers or somesuch.
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