Part 4
The Very Secret Diary of Morgan Le Fay, Part V
Day 1
Cash flow problem. Reviewed castle ledgers today: on verge of bankruptcy
due to vast expenditures on faerie dust and therapy. Am looking into
other financing options. Regrettably, have had to cut back on expenditures.
Had therapist beheaded.
Day 10
To pay bills, am reduced to working nights as ferry driver. Row people
across lake in small barge. Have been called "Ferry Queen" so often
now, joke was only funny first time.
Day 20
Ferry trade is thriving. Have taken on 3 partners: Nimue (lady of
lake) and 2 other queens nobody's ever heard of. At first feared partners would
cut into profits but turns out to be sound business decision as customers
love novelty acts, especially w/ 4 ladies. We take turns rowing, singing.
Nimue particularly good at singing, has invented expressive new style
she calls "strippe tyse". V. profitable for all, although have noticed
Nimue skimping on rowing duties.
Day 25
Barge got called out to posh side of town tonight, to pick up fare who turned
out to be dead body accompanied by v. muddy knights. Told knights we
were not amused by drunken pranks and must make honest living, but they pointed
out corpse was actually King Arthur, i.e. brother of yrs truly, fallen on
field of battle. And did anyone think to invite me to his funeral?
Bloody hell they did not. King spoke up: said he was not dead
yet, could get better. Is not fooling anyone. Looked dead enough
to me.
King's companions said we must take Arthur to holy isle of Avalon to be healed
or buried, v. important, entire future of Britain depends upon it, etc. Sensing
desperation, charged them triple usual price for ferry service in advance.
Said they were getting a good deal, called it special low "Once and
Future Kings" rate. When knights inclined to grumble over coins, other
ladies in barge broke out into singing act, Nimue gave small preview of Strippe
Tyse. Have become quite the savvy businesswomen! Knights forgot
to grumble.
Also added on 20% gratuity, arguing that passenger was unlikely to tip. Knights
indulged in several puns about stiffing us. Really v. tiresome. In
old days, would have turned them into rocks or had somebody smite them, but
am changed woman. No longer engage in "passive-aggressive patterns
of destructive behavior due to deep-seated insecurity". Am too secure
for that now.
Rowed Arthur halfway across lake, dumped body in the water, called it a good
day's work and went out w/ ladies for snort of faerie dust.
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