A Non-Canonical List for Women to Say "Masturbation"

The list started with Eric's list for men, and I just started adding to it in my spare moments. Of course, I have relatively little first-hand experience in this aspect. Suggestions welcome!" - Jordan Shelbourne

• A night in with the girls, air the orchid, the amazing disappearing finger trick, audition the finger puppets.
• Beat off, buff the beaver.
• Caress the clitoris, clean your fingers, climbing mons veneris, clit-flitting, come into your own, couch hockey for one, cunt cuddling, cunt-hunting.
• Diddle, digging for clams, dirty dancing for one, do handiwork, douse the digits, drilling for fish, dropping in the manhole, drown the man in the boat.
• Engage in safe sex, erase the problem ('cause you rub 'til it comes off...).
• Fan the fur, feed the bearded clam, fingerpainting, finger-walking to the "Y", fist f**k, flipping the breaker, fluffin the "muff"in, frig/frigging.
• Gash-lashing, genital stimulation via phalangetic motion, gentle the genitalia, get a date with Slick Mittens, get a fat lip, get a lube job, get to know yourself, giving a noogie to your monkey, grab the goatee, grease the dildo (or cucumber, if you're feeling vegetarian), grease your hips, grinding the bump, grope the grotto, gully whompin.
• Have it off, have sex with someone you love, hitchhike to heaven, hitchhike under the big top, hitting the volume control.
• Jack off, jazz yourself, jerk off, jill off, "just reading, mom".
• Leglock the pillow, let your fingers do the walking, lubricate the labia.
• Making bubbles, making soup, manual override, man overboard.
• Nothing else to do.
• Oiling your holster, one-handed bridge.
• Pet the pussy, playing centipede, playing with your gerbil play the clitar, poking the hairpiece, powdering your nose, pressing the escape button, priming the pump, pushing the panic button, pussy-pushing.
• Ride slidesaddle, ride the unicycle, ride the tubsput, riding the buzz bomb, riding the rubber boyfriend, rose palm's big sister, row the little man in the boat, rubbin' the nubbin, rub off, rub one out, runnin' your finger through your hair.
• Self abuse, shuck the oyster, silk abuse, sinking the vibrating sub, slick abuse, solo sex, stinky pinky, stirring the taco, stir the yogurt, stoke it, stroke it, stroke off, stroking the magic lamp, stroking the nether-beard, stuff the taco, somebody's got to do it, surf the Wet.
• Tapping the keg, test the plumbing, the art of unisex, the saddlehorn samba, the two-finger tango, the virgin's release, thinking about fabio, thumb the button, tickle my fancy, tickling the taco, tickling the tuna, toss off, touch-toning, tugging at the vertical smile, turning on the juice, twiddling the toggle.
• Visit Father Fingers.
• Wank, wash your fingers, water the hot spot, wax the carrot, wax the saddle.
• You're soaking in it.